


the one who you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger

by thelostcolony



Series: The Life and Times of Team Red [3]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Gen, More Team Red Group Chat Stuff, Other, Warning: Excessive Cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7116832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelostcolony/pseuds/thelostcolony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>matty: What happened to my life and where was I when it happened</p><p>Foggy: Is this about the scrabble thing</p><p>matty: Holy</p>
            </blockquote>





	the one who you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger

**Author's Note:**

> Lol so here's more groupchat stuff that happened at one time or another that I finally had to post because my phone is outta storage and I have to delete the screenshots

_New iMessage to peter (not spiderman) parker._

**hawkass** **:** hey peter what’s the plural of moose?

 **hawkass:** i’m playing scrabble with katie-kate but i’ve only got m o o s i q

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** omg moosi

 **hawkass:** play it???

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** MOOSI

 **hawkass** : PLAY IT?????

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** GIVE ME A SECOND JEEZ

**___________________**

_New iMessage to matty._

**peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** MATT IT’S AN EMERGENCY

 **matty** **:** What’s happened?

 **matty** **:** Peter what’s happened are you okay

 **matty** **:** Peter answer me

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** sorry sorry I was laughing so hard i dropped the phone

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** clint needs to know what the plural of moose is for scrabble and

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** he thinks it’s moosi I think but MOOSI

 **matty** **:** If I’m not sainted

 **matty** **:** Then I really will meet you in hell

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** why because I beat people up is that it

 **matty** **:** No because you nearly killed me with a HEART ATTACK

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I’m gonna tell him to play it thanks matt

**___________________**

_New iMessage to Foggy._

**matty** **:** What happened to my life and where was I when it happened

 **Foggy** **:** Is this about the scrabble thing

 **matty** **:** Holy

**___________________**

 

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** PLAY IT

 **hawkass** : YOU TOOK YOUR TIME

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** I WAS GETTING CONFIRMATION JEEZ

 **hawkass** **:** the deed is done

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** moosi

 **hawkass** **:** i see your moosi and raise you to two moosen

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I see your two moosen and I raise you to three moosles

 **hawkass** **:** I see your three moosles and raise you a pack of molasses

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** I see your pack of molasses and raise you to a carton of moosalini

 **hawkass** **:** woah bro don’t bring Italian dictators into this or I might have to bring up the three Mooseketeers

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** that’s a low blow, Clint. Looks like I’m gonna have to mention Moose Gibson and his fight for Scotland

 **hawkass** **:** I see your Scotland and I raise you one Canada

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I see your Canada and raise you one Australia.

 **hawkass** **:** I see your Australia and raise you the giant fucking spiders that live in Australia

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I see your giant fucking spiders that live in Australia and I raise you to the even bigger giant fucking spiders of Middle Earth

 **hawkass** **:** I see your even bigger giant fucking spider of Middle Earth and raise you to Aragog and his creepy fucking spider children of the Forbidden Forest

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I see your Aragog and his creepy fucking spider children of the Forbidden Forest and raise you to Grawp, an even creepier fucking giant child of the Forbidden Forest

 **hawkass** **:** I see your Grawp, an even creepier fucking giant child of the Forbidden Forest and raise you o the Titans of Ancient Greece, probably the creepiest fucking giants to ever exist

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** I see your Titans of Ancient Greece who were probably the creepiest fucking giants to ever exist and raise you to the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, the creepiest motherfucker this side of said beanstalk

 **hawkass** **:** I see your giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, the creepiest motherfucker this side of said beanstalk and raise you the Big Bad Wolf, the character that disturbed me the most in that whole movie

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I see your Big Bad Wolf, the character that disturbed you the most in that whole movie and raise you to The Wolf of Wall Street, Leonardo DiCaprio’s thousandth effort at an oscar

 **hawkass** **:** holy shit that was a low blow @leo

 **steeb** **:** Do you two even care that you’re in the groupchat, or

**___________________**

 

 **hawkass** **:** so coca cola and hot-sauce don’t mix

 **hawkass** **:** in case anyone was wondering

 **buck-o** **:** this is the first time in years I’ve had this much coffee

 **buck-o** **:** the first time in forever, I think.

 **rem** **:** fOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER

 **matty** **:** Don’t

 **steeb** **:** How many cups, Buck?

 **buck-o** **:** six

 **steeb** **:** B u c k y

 **buck-o** **:** Irish coffee. This cup contains three things I shouldn’t have: caffeine, sugar, and alcohol

 **rem** **:** Sounds like my kind of cuppa

 **steeb** **:** Figures. Reminds me of the time we both had that dirty water-dog eating contest and were bathroom ridden for three days

 **rem** **:** Ew?

 **hawkass** **:** what in hell’s bells is a dirty water-dog??

 **hawkass** **:** and there was that time Katie-kate and I ate three whole pizzas on our own

 **hawkass** **:** was awesome for the first hour

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** I had a cookie today

 **rem** **:** I have sour gummies

 **hawkass** **:** holy shit that stuff is like crack

 **hawkass** **:** it’s so good

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** Clint why don't you rephrase buddy

 **hawkass** **:** omg no sorry just like. addicting stuff, sour gummies

 **hawkass** **:** crack is non beuno

 **hawkass** **:** don’t do crack, is what I’m saying

 **rem** **:** time to do crack

 **hawkass** **:** nO

 **rem** **:** ...time to eat the sour sugar left over?

 **hawkass** **:** yES

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** YES

 **buck-o** **:** YES

 **steeb** **:** Et Tu, Brute?

 **rem:** That was a terrible reference Steve

 **rem:** I hope you step on a Lego

 **steeb** **:** OH NO

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** looks like you spoke too soon with the ‘e tu brute’ thing steve

 

**___________________**

_New iMessage_

_Today 12: 33 PM_

**(212)-846-9832:** hey

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** uh? hi?? who is this??

 **(212)-846-9832:** oh sorry I’m hawkeye

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** Clint???

 **(212)-846-9832:** oh shit sorry the other hawkeye the cooler one

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** Kate?

 **(212)-846-9832:** you sure like to use question marks don’t you??? sport???

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oh sorry

 **(212)-846-9832:** lol it’s fine

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** how’d you get this number?

 **(212)-846-9832:** I hacked into the government and accessed their SHIELD super-soldier files. Your cell is in there with the rest of your information.

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oh my god really

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oh my god is my other information listed there

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** please tell me you encrypted it better oh my god

 **(212)-846-9832:** or not

 **(212)-846-9832:** or I hacked Clint’s phone

 **(212)-846-9832:** and hacked is a strong word and his password is ‘rock’

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** what

 **(212)-846-9832:** the man has an unhealthy obsession with rocks- I don’t know bro

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** holy shit that was evil

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** let’s be friends

 **(212)-846-9832:** yessssss

_the name of the number (212)-846-9832  was changed to the-cooler-hawkeye_

_Today 12:39 PM_

 

 **the-cooler-hawkeye:** this is amazing

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** yes

 

 **___________________**

_the-cooler-hawkeye was added to this conversation._

 

 **hawkass** **:** why peter

 **hawkass** **:** E Tu, Brute?

 **rem:** please

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** suck it

 **buck-o** **:** I have no clue who this is but I like them

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** I’m Kate, I’m cooler than Clint, and totally kicked his ass at scrabble the other night

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** who told Clint that moosi was a word? Much less the plural of anything?

 **hawkass** **:** It was peter

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** actually it was matt

 **matty** **:** E Tu, Brute?

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** so this is a running thing between you dorks huh

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** **:** E tu, Brute?

 **buck-o** **:** hey wow there’s the caffeine

 **steeb** **:** Stop This

**___________________**

_iMessage to peter (not spiderman) parker_

 

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** it’s like watching a car crash in slow motion

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** you wanna look away but you just

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** can’t

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** did you mean: my whole existence

 **the-cooler-hawkeye:** stop I c r y

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** :))))))))))))

 **the-cooler-hawkeye:** don’t you colon-parenthesis at me

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** :(((((((((((

 

**___________________**

_themainbird was added to this conversation._

 

 **themainbird:** Well it took you guys long enough

 **rem** **:** I thought you wanted to leave in the first place?

 **themainbird:** shitposting is one thing but we do use this chat for serious talks sometimes

 **matty** **:** We do?

 **matty** **:** Well you’ll have to let me know when those happen because I don’t see them coming

 **hawkass** **:** holy shit was that a blind joke Matthew

 **matty** **:** Unlike your jokes mine are humorous

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** roasted

 **the-cooler-hawkeye** **:** and say ‘e tu, brute’ again, I dare you

 **hawkass** **:** E Tu, Brute?

 **themainbird:** Clearly I’ve missed a milestone in this chat

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** not really. Clint played scrabble and it’s really all been downhill from there

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oh, and I think Bucky crushed his phone by accident, because it’s giving me an out of service tone whenever I dial.

 **rem** **:** Well having some Irish coffee will do that to you

 **rem:** and them dirty water-dogs

 **themainbird:** I’m

 **themainbird:** leaving

_themainbird has left the conversation._

**steeb** **:** So does he like, want us to add him back in again, or


End file.
